The last few “couple’s episodes” we did, had a lot of great feedback. One of the things that a number of people asked us to talk about was dating and remarriage after divorce. So we are…
We came up with a few points to remember:
1. Figure Out You.
This is you taking the time to deal with your feelings, resolving your hurt and finding the you that you are or want to be. This is a great time for realizing important things about yourself or to reinvent yourself.
2. Know Who You Want.
After you discover yourself, take time to figure out what you want in a partner. This is a great opportunity to wrestle with really deep questions and desires about what a healthy relationship looks like and what you expect from and in a healthy relationship. This is a perfect time to make a list of those expectations (and it’s okay to be picky).
3. Give Your List Grace.
After you make a list, go back over it and be realistic about what you put on there. Then, have grace for it. You might get lucky and find someone who meets the whole list. But, likely you won’t. But that shouldn’t be a game changer. If there are one or two items they don’t meet, decide how important those items are.
4. Be Intentional with Your Time.
When you do start dating, be intentional with how you spend your time. Specifically, if early in the relationship it becomes evident that it isn’t something you want, it’s okay to end it. But, if it becomes obvious you’re moving toward a long-term relationship, or marriage, be intentional about learning each other and investing in that relationship.
5. Remember that Remarriage is Going to be Hard.
No matter how well you do that other stuff, getting married (or remarried) changes the whole dynamic. You are going to bring in baggage and it is likely going to be difficult. If you go in understanding that, you’re more likely to stay and fight. This is not you having a dreadful view of marriage, but is instead accepting the reality that relationships take actual work and that you are both likely bringing baggage to the party.
In the end, we want others to be encouraged and know that building a healthy, God-honoring marriage is possible, even after divorce.